Understanding Self-Sabotage

In psychological studies, self-sabotage refers to behaviours that undermine one’s success and well-being. As psychologist Dr. Lisa Firestone notes, “Self-sabotage is when we actively or passively prevent ourselves from reaching our goals.” Prolonged patterns often involve subconscious attitudes, sometimes coming from unhealed or unprocessed trauma that impede personal growth and fulfilment.

Overcoming it involves these patterns and attitudes, challenging self-defeating Beliefs, and replacing them with Rational healthy Beliefs to regulate emotions. Techniques like cognitive restructuring, adopting a philosophy of self-compassion in accountability, and seeking support from therapy to make long lasting changes can be crucial.

The Role Of Dysfunctional Attitudes:

In REBT, it is evidenced that several Irrational Beliefs can lead to self-sabotage, including:

1. Demand for Approval: Believing one absolutely must receive approval from significant others.
2. Demand for Success: Absolute intolerance to mistakes and fearing of failing.
3. Unbearability: Absolute aversion to face discomfort or frustrating conditions.
4. Global Self Rating: Judging oneself entirely based on specific actions or traits, leading to feelings of inadequacy.

Identifying Self-Sabotaging Behaviours & its Manifestations:

• Procrastination: Delaying tasks, often to avoid discomfort or fear of failure.
• Perfectionism: Setting unrealistically high standards and becoming paralyzed by the fear of not meeting them.
• Negative Self-Talk: Constantly criticizing or belittling oneself, leading to low self-esteem.
• Avoiding Risks: Refusing to take opportunities out of fear of failure or rejection.
• Over-committing: Taking on too many tasks or responsibilities, leading to burnout and underperformance.
• Fear of Success: Sabotaging potential success due to a fear of change or increased expectations.
• Self-Doubt: Constantly questioning one’s abilities and decisions, leading to inaction.
• Substance Abuse: Using alcohol, drugs, or other substances to cope with stress or negative emotions.
• Isolation: Withdrawing from social interactions, which can limit support and feedback.
• Blaming Others: Refusing to take responsibility for one’s actions and blaming others for failures.
• Overthinking: Obsessing over details and possibilities, leading to indecision and inaction.
• Comparison with Others: Constantly comparing oneself to others, leading to feelings of inadequacy.
• Setting Unrealistic Goals: Setting unattainable goals, leading to frustration and a sense of failure.
• Avoiding Help: Refusing to seek support or advice, often out of pride or fear of being judged.
• Engaging in Toxic Relationships: Staying in unhealthy relationships that undermine one’s sense of self or happiness, or difficulty maintaining relationships.
• Fear of Change: Resisting new experiences or changes, even when they may be beneficial.
• Underestimating Abilities: Doubting one’s skills and capabilities, leading to missed opportunities.
• Lack of Boundaries: Failing to set boundaries, being overwhelmed by others.

Is it possible to overcome this?

Yes. In my working experience as a psychotherapist for the last sixteen years, I have seen that many individuals who are committed to making healthy changes are able to not only mitigate self-sabotaging behaviors but are also able to lead fulfilling lives, by consistent effort. Effort making is key here.

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